Letting things fall into place is a lesson am constantly relearning.
As an Enneagram 5, I'm told my basic desire is to be competent and my biggest fear is to be helpless. While this is very accurate to my personality, I have been learning to listen to my intuition.
Yes there is a season to fight and break down doors.
But there is also a season to restrain from that and let life slowly open itself up to you like the petals of a flower. This art of restrain, to stand still, to pause, to not act , when you are fully capable of doing the contrary, is a difficult discipline to master.
When you think about it, most of our character flaws or issues in life, are tied to our inability to exercise restrain.
Restrain in how we spend our money.
Restrain in how much we eat.
Restrain in how we spend our time.
Restrain is listening to listen instead of listening to respond.
Restrain to believe the worst in people and act on unresearched/unchecked facts.
Restrain to give unsolicited advice and opinions.
The list could go on and on.
It is because of this discipline that I had not returned to blogging.
The problem solver in me that thrives in completing check lists wanted to batch posts this year.
I could have sat down and written a bunch of soul-less blogs for auto posting just to check of the box that says ..look..I published X-amount of blog posts in 2022.
But this new version of me that wants to lean into my hobbies with ease felt the need to hold back.
To hold back and re-access my relationship not just with my blog but with social media in general.
I had to rediscover my love for writing and purged out all desire for external validation of my work or compare it to the work of others.
Because I write for me. I write because it brings me pleasure. Not because of the view counts. Not as a means to solicit my audience.
Though I have not been writing on this public blog,
I have been writing privately offline for an audience of one - Me.
It was important for me to know that I would continue writing even if no one was watching.
It was important for me to not feel the need to turn my hobby into a money making machine as all the entrepreneur "gurus" will advice.
It was important for me to find peace and acceptance in the choice to live a minimalist lifestyle in the backdrop of a world constantly screaming for us to consume more.
This home coming for me had one end goal; for my pleasure. Everything else like viewership is nothing but a secondary unintended consequence.
Staywell Mes Amies
