Why I Stopped Setting Perfect Wellness Goals (And What I Do Instead)

At this point in my life as a member of the 40s club, I pay more attention to what lasts than what motivates me briefly. 

I’ve learned that the body keeps count — excessive exercise, skipped meals and the mental stress that comes with playing the comparison olympics. Eventually, it responds. Not out of defiance, but out of honesty.

For years, I approached wellness goals the way many of us do: with intensity. January became a time for overcorrection. 

• More discipline. 
• More structure. 
• More pressure. 

What I didn’t notice at first was how quickly those goals became another source of strain.

Over time, I began to question what I was aiming for. 

Was I trying to be healthier — or simply more controlled? 

Was the goal to feel well, or to perform wellness convincingly? And to attain who's defined wellness metrics?

Goals rooted in perfection rarely survive real life. 

These days, I set intentions that respect my capcity, my adult  life responsibilities, and the season I’m in. 

I choose practices that can bend without breaking. 

That might look like fewer goals, softer timelines, and more intuitive listening - to my spirit/body than forceful executions.

What I do instead:

• I choose one or two practices that support me consistently

• I build goals around how I want to feel, not how I want to look

• I leave room for rest, adjustment, and grace

Wellness, for me, is no longer about becoming someone else by a fixed date within the year. It’s about staying in relationship with myself all year long.

At the beginning of the year, I hold goals loosely. I treat them as orientations rather than obligations — a way of pointing myself in a direction, not locking myself into a fixed outcome. Life has a way of adding information as it unfolds. I’ve learned to leave space for that. What feels aligned in January may need to soften, shift, or change entirely as the year reveals itself.