2nd Chances & mid night ramblings

Its 3:00am and I cant sleep.

The object of my insomnia is the breakdown of a friendship so infested with holes am getting tired of trying to fix them and still retain the relationship.

Yes its nice to give people second chances. Everyone makes mistake blah blah blah. But do some people REALLY deserve a 2nd chance?

The question does not apply to my present circumstances since this individual has received several chances and even choices . In each situation...our friendship played 2nd fiddle. 

So here I am, trying to psycho analyse myslelf into understanding why i am even contemplating mending fences yet AGAIN with someone who has hurt me over and over again despite knowing (from our numerous talks*) exactly how their choices and actions affect me.

- At what point do i throw down the towel and say enough is enough?

- Why don't  I have the courage to turn my back and walk away once and for all?!

Yes I prefer to live in harmony with my friends and family than to be caught up in drama.....If something can be done to prevent conflict I am usually willing to take that route. I'm all about lets "talk" and harsh things out and agree to disagree but still kinda remain friends?

What does this say about me?

 that am willing to give someone who keeps hurting me another chance?

What doe that say about them? and this thing i keep calling friendship? why will someone who calls you a friend repeatedly do something that they know offends you?

Am I needy? In the sense that do I feel like I NEED this person in my life? Why the need to maintain a line of communication which is already hard enough given that we live in separate continents? What positive values does this individual contribute to my well being? does the good out weight the bad?

Soo many questions and no answers. What I do know is I moved to Boston and gave myself a year to do some soul searching. Unfortunately I also brought my past to Boston. 

Mistake #1.

My year of soul searching deadline will be up this summer. Whatever happens after August, I pray for the courage to make the tough, unpleasant but with long term benefits decisions that it seems i've been stalling on.

It's my life after all. I'll be damned if i spent it letting someone else stress me to death.